Yesterday I woke up early for a phone interview, and as usual I didn't sleep well. I hadn't been sleeping well lately (until last night). It's all part of this stress/anxiety/depression phase I guess. Anyway after a long day at work I was really exhausted, so soon after I made final changes to my speech (for this morning's oral exam) I went to bed (with hair rollers! they're so much better than the curling tongs) and slept incredibly well... then once again I had to get up early this morning, for the oral exam. In the afternoon I made a Mississippi mud pie, which is now setting in the fridge, and I'll finish it with double cream tomorrow morning.
I'm quite tired too, and I shall tuck in quite soon. But I'm feeling better today. I watched Julia Roberts' Eat, Pray, Love. Honestly it's not really good...and I got bored watching it. But I sort of made a tiny self-discovery. Or at least I gave myself time to think about what I really enjoy doing. Since I came back from Japan I haven't taken many photographs, I haven't done much travelling, I haven't sung anything or played the piano or the clarinet at all. All I've been thinking is dissertationjobhuntingexamsclassesreadingessaysapplicationsinterviewstests...
I know we have to be realistic and pragmatic. I don't have the money or time to go off travelling like Elizabeth Gilbert. But at least I remember what I like doing and the satisfaction and happiness I once had. I remember the year in Japan, the solo trip I took to Prague two years ago...I was taking photos everywhere I went and I was marvelled by everything I saw. I remember going to theatres and concert halls, and the feeling of chills down my spine and getting goosebumps everywhere whilst listening to Joshua Bell and Midori doing their virtuosic cadenzas, and singers belting out that last note that makes you stop breathing for half a minute. What I need to do, is just to get myself into doing these things again...I just don't know when I can afford this luxury.
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