Rage Against Everything

Last night I went to bed at 11. And yet I couldn't sleep until 2.30 am.

People were screaming and shouting two doors down the corridor. And outside my window, people were blowing into the vuvuzela, even at 2am.

I know it's the World Cup, I know it was Japan vs Paraguay, I know it's only once every four years. But it doesn't mean you can just disrupt other people's lives at your will.

I spent the night lying on my bed crying. I had so much rage and grudge in me, and yet I couldn't yell or scream. It felt weird, to cry, because I hadn't cried for a very long time.

The last time I cried in front of people, it was my parents. I used to throw tantrums as a child, so my parents taught me not to show emotions in public. I always have to force myself to hold everything in, suppress every emotion and feeling in me. That one time when I broke down in tears, my parents had considered sending me to a shrink.

I tend to drive people away; I'm just a cold, heartless bitch who doesn't show emotions or sympathy. But the one time I need someone beside me, it's too late. I don't know how, or when, or if it's something I did, but I feel like I'm losing my friends.

Last night was probably the worst night of my life. I was all alone, and nobody noticed.

Months gone by

It's been a while since I last updated. Nothing exciting happened, that's all. I've spent a couple of weekends staying in and working on JLPT Level 1 Kanji and grammar, even though I'm not taking the test this Sunday.

Anyway, here's a list of the boring (and not-so-boring) things I've been through this month:

1. 2-day trip to 長谷寺 (Hase-dera, in Nara prefecture) and 伊勢神宮 (Ise Grand Shrine, Mie prefecture)

2. the temperatures have been reaching the low-30s lately, making my room a sauna. apparently we get some sort of air-conditioning on Thursday

3. been following/"watching" Wimbledon via BBC live text. I hate not having access to BBC and being in an entirely different time zone.

4. to my own surprise I watched the entire England vs Germany match

5. things have changed in my personal life, still trying to adjust to the changes. somehow, I don't know why or since when, the group of us don't hang out together as one big group as often anymore... I kinda wish things could go back to November/December. I think some of us have changed a little...

6. This is the end of June. The calendar year has reached the mid-point. Scary!

7. Just worked out my timetable for the new academic year. Turns out I only get about 7 contact hours per week, one-third of what I'm having at Osaka right now. No wonder why Manchester scores so low on student satisfaction (hence low national ranking), all the money has gone into research (which leads to high international ranking).

My Favourite Musicals

As much as I would like to include more of the classics, such as Rodgers & Hammerstein (The Sound of Music, The King and I etc.), I've only seen the film adaptations and perhaps studied and sung a few numbers in Mrs. Lawman's singing classes, haven't actually seen these musicals on stage, so I can't really write about them properly.

1. Les Miserables (Claude-Michel Schonberg and Alain Boublil)

My, and Britain's, all-time favourite musical. It premiered 6th October, 1985. 25 years! Plus I like the fact that its anniversary is a day before my birthday (I'm not 25 though). Okay that's not why Les Mis tops the list. Hugo's story is moving; the music is exactly what is should be, somewhere between classical and pop. And I love the use of motifs. Favourite production has to be the "dream cast" of the 10th Anniversary Concert at the Royal Albert Hall. Especially Lea Salonga's Eponine. Okay yes she's my favourite musical theatre actress and I'm biased. But her rendition of "On My Own" was truly inspirational. In my opinion her rendition surpasses all others, even Lea Michele's on Glee.

Salonga made an equally show-stopping Fantine when she returned to the Broadway revival a couple of years ago. She's been booked to sing the role of Fantine in this year's 25th Anniversary Concert (3rd October at the O2 Arena) - I was so pleasantly surprised and pleased when I found out. And then all my hopes and dreams of watching her perform live were shattered when I went to book the tickets...all the cheapest tickets were gone within the first hour! Now I'm praying for some kind of miracle.

2. Miss Saigon (Claude-Michel Schonberg and Alain Boublil)

Another Schonberg/Boublil classic. Unforgotten moment would be the one when a helicopter lands on stage. The musical which made Lea Salonga a star. She became the first actor to win multiple awards (Olivier, Tony, Drama Desk, Outer Critics Circle, and Theatre World) for a single role. Not to mention this was her West End/Broadway debut, at the tender age of 18. Favourite song would be "Sun and Moon" - simple melody and orchestration but very beautiful.

I saw the Japanese production two years ago in Tokyo. Obviously not the same but still it was pretty good. Plus the role of the Engineer is always a crowd-pleaser.

3. Candide (Leonard Bernstein)

Technically an operetta. Neither an opera nor a musical. Anyway, I've seen two student productions of Candide, one at The University of Manchester, and the other at Royal Northern College of Music (right across Booth Street West from UoM). Haven't seen a professional production yet, but I absolutely adore Kristin Chenoweth's performance as Cunegonde in the concert version with the NY Phil and Marin Alsop. She can really pull off the comedic effects and sing all those coloratura at the same time. The Overture is great in its own right, and has joined the standard orchestra repertoire. Voltaire's story is satirical and witty, and Bernstein has kept to it.

4. West Side Story (Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim)

A Bernstein/Sondheim classic. The story never fails - it's Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. The music, the choreography... and my favourite moment has to be the end when a distant mezzo-soprano voice chants "Somewhere". The film adaptation (starring Natalie Wood as Maria) is also a classic in its own right.

5. The Phantom of the Opera (Andrew Lloyd Webber)

Lloyd Webber is usually not my thing. Too cheesy for my taste. But I remember when I saw Phantom for the first time (Broadway in July '05), when the Overture began, I was like "wow - I want to learn to play the organ!".

Totally hated the film adaptation though. Yes, Gerard Butler was hot and made Phantom more like McSteamy than a psychotic murderer. But the singing was awful! That statement applies to the pretty girl who played Christine as well.

My Favourite Operas

1. Puccini - La boheme

(2008 Franco Zeffirelli production at the Metropolitan Opera, starring Ramon Vargas and Angela Gheorghiu)

I cried watching the final scene: Gheorghiu's Mimi dying, Vargas's Rodolfo thinking that "she's sleeping" seconds before realising that she's dead. Angela Gheorghiu's performance is divine, as usual. And Vargas is just simply charming as Rodolfo. The first act is my favourite; but the best aria award goes to "Donde lieta usci" in Act 3. One word to describe it: romantic.

2. Tchaikovsky - Eugene Onegin

(2007 Metropolitan Opera, starring Renee Fleming as Tatyana and Dmitri Hvorostovsky in the title role)

Renee Fleming's "Letter Scene" gave me chills all the way down my spine! Her voice is pure gold.

Eugene Onegin is actually the first (professionally produced) opera I've ever seen, at Covent Garden back in April 2008. I had seen The Marriage of Figaro at the Royal Northern College of Music in December '07, but that was a student production. Anyway I love this opera for its music and plot. I could totally identify myself with the character of young Tatyana. The production at ROH was pretty good but my favourite has to be the Met production, featuring my favourite opera singer of all-time (I own a DVD of this!).

3. Verdi - La Traviata

(1994 Royal Opera House, starring Angela Gheorghiu as Violetta)

A classic. Gheorghiu's legendary performance of "E strano...Sempre Libera" was breath-taking (she made it seem so easy!), and it made her a star. Plus she looked absolutely gorgeous in that dress.

4. Bizet - Carmen

Yeah yeah the Habanera ("L'amour est un oiseau rebelle") is pretty famous and all that jazz... But I think it's the orchestral music which makes this opera come alive. I remember playing the overture with the school's orchestra back in Year 9. Then there are the entr'actes. The music is so gorgeous that Sarasate and Waxman had to write a fantasy, combining all these wonderful melodies into fiendish virtuoso pieces for the violin.

5. Mozart - Le nozze di Figaro

(1998 Metropolitan Opera production) I've seen Figaro at the RNCM, and the ROH production in the cinema. But this Met production in 98 has to been the best. I haven't actually seen the entire thing, but video clips on Youtube would suffice. There can't be a more stellar cast: Bryn Terfel as Figaro, Cecilia Bartoli as Susanna, and Renee Fleming as the Countess.

My Top 10 Concertos

Here are my all-time favourite concertos (or orchestral works with a prominent instrumental solo):

1. Rachmaninoff (duh) - Piano Concerto No.2 in C minor, Op.18

THE ultimate romantic concerto, ever. The opening chords are (fiendish - requires absolutely a huge hand span to strike all the notes) sombre but beautiful. The entire piece is just so romantic and beautiful. I love every single note.

2. Tchaikovsky - Violin Concerto in D, Op. 35

I absolutely adore the cadenza of the solo violin. And the orchestral tutti passages are simply inspirational.

3. Rachmaninoff (again) - Piano Concerto No.3 in D minor, Op.30

Fiendishly difficult - one of the most technically demanding piano concerto ever written. The cadenza in the middle of the first movement says it all. I don't know how Martha Argerich plays this at that monstrous speed.

4. Sarasate - Fantasy on Carmen (violin and orchestra)

Bizet's opera score is brilliant on its own, and then came Sarasate who put together the most popular melodies together and made it a violin concerto for the very few virtuoso players.

5. Elgar - Violin Concerto in B minor, Op.61

I love how the violin solo plays all these amazing melodies and goes a little bit crazy when it comes to the high notes.

6. Vaughan Williams - The Lark Ascending

Quintessentially British. Serenity and beauty of the British countryside in its musical form.

7. Elgar - Cello Concerto in E minor, Op.85

Quite depressing actually, but just so painfully beautiful that no one can resist.

8. Gershwin - Rhapsody in Blue (Piano and Orchestra)

Fun and funkiness, Jazz and classical combined.

9. Weber - Clarinet Concerto No.1 in F minor, Op.73

The first concerto I ever learned to play.

10. Rachmaninoff - Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini (piano and orchestra)

Nothing (except for Variation 18) sounds like Rachmaninoff's other piano concertos, the rhythmic nature stems from Paganini's 24 Caprices (written for solo violin). Rachael Flatt (U.S. National Champion) skated to an abridged version of Rhapsody in her free skate at the Vancouver Olympics this February.