a sweet fantasy

Right now I'm fantasising about having an intimate dinner party with my Handai friends (in my dream house and kitchen :P) -

guest list: Morgan, Seb, Andrew, Daan, Reinout, Larisa, Ivan, Mark, Naomi

menu:

pan-fried scallops

breadcrumb-coated goat cheese

boeuf bourguignon

tomates a la provençale

mushroom risotto

tomato and mozzarella pizza

chestnut mushroom and mozzarella pizza

cæsar salad

chicken cacciatore

desserts:

chocolate cake

chocolate brownies

mississippi mud pie

pumpkin pie

I can imagine all ten of us sitting all together (an oblong table or a round one?), with a vintage chandelier hanging from the ceiling, eating and chatting and sharing plenty of laughters and love.

お疲れさまでした

I'm now on the way back to Manchester. Okay no I didn't win the speech contest, but I really enjoyed myself today. Met the nicest people and had a fabulous time. I was really relieved when the speech was over. When I was leaving the stage and walking down the stairs in those stilettos I could feel my legs shaking...I was so pleased with myself for not messing anything up. I delivered the speech the best I could (although there was still a little panicking), and answered the questions the best I could, so I'm pretty pleased. Plus even though I didn't place in the competition, being a finalist also came with a little perks:

- £6 lunch money (despite I only spent £3.15 on a Pret a Manger salad)

- train tickets paid for

- £100 which I now have to contact the sponsor to get it

- £10 book voucher

- £50 restaurant voucher (pretty awesome actually 'cause I don't think I've ever spent that much on a meal before)

- a book on the Edo period

- a book on Japanese bento recipes (perhaps too kawaii for my taste)

- a (yet another) very kawaii bento box set

- subscription to a Japanese newsletter

After the ceremony I talked to the chief judge and she gave me some really useful feedback. She said that my most obvious strength was my pronunciation and accent, that it was really easy to understand. There were two points that I needed to improve on: 1) the speech needed more personal experience - I could have elaborated on my experience in Okinawa; 2) my speech covered many points and everything was really detailed, BUT I needed to focus on one main point/thesis and emphasise that.

During the drinks reception I had really lovely conversations with some of the audience. There was a number of Japanese ladies who were in the audience came up to me and said how they liked my speech, and they really hoped that I had won blah blah blah (you know the usual "I'm sorry you lost" consolation), a couple said that I looked "really pretty" on the stage (lol). And I was thinking "hmm thanks? that didn't win me the competition but thank you for the compliment..." One Japanese lady also said that she only knew a little about the whole Futenma air base situation, despite it being such a prominent issue in Japan, and that my speech gave her better understanding of the issue. I also talked to two solicitors from Baker & McKenzie (who is one of the major sponsors of the competition), which was really interesting and they kept trying to influence me to do law, my Dad would definitely agree with them.

One of the judges (a lecturer from Sheffield) actually spent his year abroad at Osaka (Gaidai) as well, and he knows Richard Harrison of Kobe University too. Another finalist, Matt, went to Kyodai with John and Paulina...the world of Japanese Studies is very small indeed.

I think I'm surprised at myself too - for not being upset about losing. I'm usually pretty competitive, but I think in this case I've already tried my best and since the competition was so fierce and everyone else did so well, I wasn't really expecting myself to surpass others' achievements. And having people coming up to me afterwards saying how they enjoyed listening to my speech, that itself was pretty flattering already, and kinda cool. Plus the fact that it was Andrew who won made the whole day even more wonderful.

[update at 2304]

okay I can't believe I just started crying on the train... I'm absolutely exhausted, but that's not why I'm crying. I had the most amazing time today, meeting new people, talking to other students, the judges and the members of the audience. I was speaking (mostly) in Japanese to Japanese people. I had the most fun I've had in many months, and it's the fact that it's all over that upsets me. I had an immensely enjoyable time today, especially because I was with Andrew and Seb and being surrounded by Japanese people - everything just made me miss our year in Japan even more. And now I have to face my mundane life at the university, not studying any advance Japanese and having to stress over the dissertation. I just can't believe today went by so quickly...

London-bound

Last night I decided I've had enough of the black background and changed it to white, a little more cheerful perhaps?

Right now I'm on the train, which has yet to depart from the platform. It's my first time blogging from a train. Or rather, it's my first time taking this MacBook out of my room and using it in public. The train is pretty packed, probably because of half-term and it's a Friday.

I'm London-bound - tomorrow is the speech contest. I guess I'm pretty ready...I still get nervous, even when practicing on my own. But the speech itself, it's my best efforts and I'm already pretty proud of myself for getting through to the finals and having written the speech.

Let's see what happens tomorrow...

anxiety strikes

"How do you feel?"
"Full of hot air."
"Isn't that what public speaking is all about?"

(The King's Speech)

Two days till the big competition. Well it's not that big. But it is my first time doing a formal original speech (unlike the reading at the school's carol service), and my first time participating in a public speaking competition (in any language).

I have never been someone who's full of confidence. Even though my time as a student ambassador has really helped me with speaking to an audience, I just hope that on Saturday I won't faint at the sight of possibly over a hundred people.

"Vivian's Speech"

Today I freaked out about next Saturday's speech contest. I fear that when I go up to the stage (I'm last on the programme!) I'll have an anxiety attack and start stuttering through my speech.

To make myself feel a little better, I keep going back to last month when I spoke in front of perhaps 100 16-17 year olds at university about the IB diploma. It was at one of the University Place lecture theatres, which is absolutely massive (even bigger when they merge the two theatres into one), and I've been to SOAS's Brunei Gallery and I know UP is much bigger so at least I've had the experience of speaking in front of a large audience in a large theatre, and I know I did pretty well the other time (considering I hadn't prepared a speech beforehand)... BUT, that was public speaking in English and it was about personal experience so I didn't need to prepare anything and it wasn't a competition. This time is in Japanese and I have to memorise 10 minutes of speech and pretend to be all serious and smart and talk about politics.

I'm really grateful to the Japanese tutors at the University, who have given my some great feedback and suggestions on how to improve my speech. I know I still have a lot to work on, and I really want to win - not necessarily in the competition - but in competing against myself, hoping that I could overcome all the fear and anxiety of giving a speech in a foreign language. I (sort of) conquered it in English, and now it's in Japanese.

food!

Not only have I completely cut out red meat, fizzy drinks and alcohol from my life, I've also cut down the amount of carbs, and replacing it with protein-rich food and lots and lots of veg and fruit.

Seafood such as fish and prawns are very high in protein, so lately I've been eating a lot of prawns and salmon. This is my "two-way with prawns" dish: one half is eaten cold (ripe baby avocado, pan-fried king prawns, coriander, sea salt and coarsely ground pepper, lime juice), the other half is eaten hot (king prawns cooked in self-made tomato and basil coulis).

This is what I had tonight: aubergines au gratin (from Elizabeth David's French Provincial Cooking), with a slight Italian twist - I added grated parmesan to the aubergine layers. It's basically aubergine slices baked in a tomato coulis with parsley and breadcrumbs. Baked in a slow oven (150ºC) for an hour.

I've also developed a liking for Quorn savoury eggs...

15022011

Today was a rather bizarre day...

The morning was typical. An hour work-out at the gym following my recent favourite raisin-free muesli.

In the afternoon I got an e-mail from SOAS - got an offer for the postgrad course in diplomacy. I still have a few weeks before deciding whether to accept or decline the offer. As much as I want to do this course, it's really expensive and I'm still waiting for two upcoming job interviews. But then the dates of the interviews haven't been decided...anyway I'm now much less anxious about my future post-graduation.

While I was at work, a customer came in looking for tofu and wakame (he's going to make miso soup for the first time), so I gave me some suggestion and advice. And then when he was paying for the stuff he asked me out, quite straight-forward "do you want to go out sometime?". I smiled and said 'no'. It was rather odd. Twice before I've had customers asking for my phone number, but then those two guys were sort-of regulars and I'd seen them before. But this guy is a first-time customer and there was't much conversation preceding the asking-out, so it was kinda bizarre.

Being asked out by guys is flattering, but also quite amusing at the same time. Mainly because I'm not used to it, and also because I don't find myself that attractive - especially not when I'm at work. I'm wearing glasses and no makeup, my hair is always tied up...being asked out by strangers just seems like something that only happens on TV or in the movies.

...what resolutions?

holy crap. what happened to my "daily blog + photograph" resolutions?

honestly I don't feel too guilty about it, 'cause I've been hitting the gym doing hour-long workouts quite often lately, that makes up for everything I guess.

plus my employment prospects are getting a little better, and I'm getting closer to a job offer. And a couple of days ago I got an offer from Durham, which was surprisingly fast considering I only submitted my application less than a fortnight ago...

the only thing on my mind right now is (besides my dissertation) my craving for chocolatey things. the better I am at sticking to the diet & workout, the more I crave for chocoholic havens such as Wen Chean's chocolate brownies and Mississippi mud pie...