twenty two

8035 days. Or twenty-two years. That's how long I've been living for.

Today was just another ordinary day.

0001 got out of the shower and blow-dried my hair

0040 went to bed

0740 woke up

0815 breakfast (toasts with houmous; Tetley tea)

0850 watched Friends on Channel 4

0945 laundry

1200 POLI30101 tutorial

1300 Lunch by myself at the Refectory (roast lamb, veg and mashed potatoes; vanilla cupcake; Quavers)

1400 EALC30000 class (oral and listening with Shaw sensei)

1600 skyped with parents

1630 watched a little bit of Friends on E4 whilst talking on the phone with Shachi, who turned out to be the only person to call me on my birthday

1700 POLI30101 lecture

1800 Dinner at the veggie cafe with Wen-chean

1900 Chorus rehearsal

2030 Got bored of Haydn's The Creation so Wen-chean and I sneaked out of rehearsal during the break and went home; watched Friends then The Big Bang Theory on TV; blew the candles on the strawberry cake Wen-chean made for me, ate the cake and some popcorn whilst watching TV.

2130 Watched She's All That (Afifah's DVD) - the last time I watched it was probably 10 years ago?

Last year I spent my birthday with people I barely knew. Had cheap, disgusting sushi off a conveyor belt and walked through the rain in the typhoon.

This year I got 60 messages on my Facebook wall, some from people I love, and some from people I haven't spoken to or seen for years. I don't even know what their "Happy Birthday" messages mean. Is it just 13 letters in the space of 14 digits that conventionally represents a greeting used on the anniversary of someone's birth?

Usually I'm a fan of Facebook, because it allows me to get in touch with people who live half way across the world, and it's fun to upload and tag people in photos etc etc. But sometimes, things get complicated because, let say for example, there are photos or messages that I only want a certain group of people to read. And then some people make a fuss about not able to see someone else's profile etc. And today I dislike Facebook more than ever. I guess it's pretty handy when you want to send a message to someone you're friends with, but not that close that you could write a personal e-mail or text message or give a phone call. But when your parents, sibling, the closest friends...the most important people of your life chose to send their regards and sentiments via a web portal, just because it's handy and convenient, life doesn't get more miserable than that eh?

I'm not upset that today's been uneventful; I never wanted to celebrate anyway. A birthday doesn't signify much, does it? Right now all it means to me is that 22 years ago I was born on this day. Other than that actual day (7th October 1988), what do the other birthdays signify? I'm just disappointed at myself. This is perhaps karma. Cold and detached as I could sometimes be, this is probably what was coming for me. 22 years on and I still have plenty to learn about building and maintaining relationships.

Don't get it wrong, I am truly grateful for my friends. I love and am grateful for my flatmates. I feel at ease when I'm with the girls, even if it's just watching TV, going to the gym or cooking dinners. Last night I managed to have a short skype conversation with Morgan after I got off work; and today I received a few very lovely text messages (thank you Seb - I look forward to see in Oxford!). One of them was from a guy I've only met a couple of weeks ago.

And oh yes the birthday presents: a set of cute plastic pencil cases from Rachel, a lovely pink Strawberry cake by Wen-chean, and a small two-tier cupcake stand and a cookbook from Afifah...

And 60 e-mails from Facebook titled "xxx has written on your wall..."

Is this my quarter-life crisis?